Microblog

  • While leaving some good friends' wedding, I heard that our city got slammed with torrential downpours and flash floods. I excitedly came home to check the sump pump that we installed... It is still bone dry. 💸 posted 7 years ago - 2 comments

  • I think that kids should not be allowed to use public pools until they're atleast 21 posted 7 years ago - reply

  • Every time I want an Uber home, I open the Sonos app, and every time I want to change the music at home, I open the Uber app. posted 7 years ago - 1 comment

  • I need to learn how to hit home runs posted 7 years ago - reply

  • I picked up this giant toad and showed it to @kbroox in our garden. She reacted by jumping off of the nearest retaining wall like... t.co/0I3JuaB6EZ posted 7 years ago - reply

  • Look at this thing that my team started rolling out today. t.co/Da7nSB1a4T posted 7 years ago - reply

  • My armpits smell like cooked celery rn posted 7 years ago - reply

  • Every time I read political commentary online, I come back to: the right are insane and the left are little baby pussies. posted 7 years ago - reply

  • Just took a nap. wtf. posted 7 years ago - 1 comment

  • Organic. Cotton Candy. Grapes. posted 7 years ago - reply

  • I'd like a modern, curbside mailbox to replace the plastic shitbox that came with our house... but every one I like is ~$500. Is that unreasonable? I feel like it's unreasonable. posted 7 years ago - 7 comments

  • SPACE FORCE!!! posted 7 years ago - reply

  • Whew. Just planted a dozen more plants in the yard. It is not cold outside.... I think that swimming will be in my very near future. posted 7 years ago - reply

  • I need a chainsaw and a log splitter... posted 7 years ago - reply

  • @Omartheowl 🔥 posted 7 years ago - reply

  • @realDonaldTrump plz consider eating my asshole posted 7 years ago - reply

  • @harper Lookin good posted 7 years ago - reply

  • Royce da 5'9" - Caterpillar is the first time I've heard Eminem not rap like a soccer mom in about a decade posted 7 years ago - reply

  • Pool time posted 7 years ago - reply

  • Whenever someone says, "indeed," I get an unexplained, but immediate urge to punch that person right in the mouth. posted 7 years ago - 3 comments